Something is happening to me.
I don’t know what it is but it is beautiful.
Like, I can feel it pierce through me, sometimes it all happens in a rush, sometimes it’s as gentle as the fingers of an art connoisseur tracing his way across the spine of his favorite artwork.
I guess it’s me opening up to art and allowing it to find me as I am, vulnerable, dishevelled, disappointed. It’s me throwing myself at its feet and not uttering any half-forgotten prayers of safety. It’s letting myself go to the uncharted places it wants me to see, no matter how ugly or dark, within myself or outside myself. And it’s letting myself be there for as long as I want. It’s saying yes to new music, to lyrics that kick me in the gut and turn my insides into a thesaurus of words that I want to speak and write. It’s saying no to the people that only know how to take, that treat my grief unkindly or make fun of it. It’s saying no to the things that lack a soul.
Maybe it’s just understanding the sweetness of sorrow and how I’ve made it my elixir. Like, feeling lonely but not spiteful. I find myself listening to sad songs and often times stopping in the tracks to ruminate about the beauty of expression, of language, of how those words carry too much longing between the spaces of the alphabets that make them.
These moments, they almost always find me when all my guards are down, when I am falling but with faith. They find me and touch my eyes, caress my eyelids. How do they know that I am having trouble sleeping lately?
They move their tiny fingers over my lips and plant their softness on my tongue. They fill my mouth with a fistful of the sunrise from the morning sky. And then just like that, they are gone leaving me gasping for air because I swallowed too much magic, too much of a new beginning. //This is how healing feels like, on a good day//
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